then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
