just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
