oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
