Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
