I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
