We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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