her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
