I hate your face
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
