yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
