Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
