the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want to make out with him forever
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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