Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
two words...techno handjob
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
