The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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