Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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