i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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