You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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