The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
