at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
