i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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