so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
