He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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