I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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