I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
