Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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