I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
