You just made me feel so damn special
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
pray to the hookup gods
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
