So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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