youre lurking in front of me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
