I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
