So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
