please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need to sanitize my soul.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
