if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
