I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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