I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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