i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
