Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize