I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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