why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
