she woke up with a sticky ear
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
