Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
