I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
