Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
being pregnant is like rehab
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
