I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
