Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize