I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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