i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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