We're facebook friends in real life
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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