the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
