sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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