the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
