Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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