idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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