The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
