She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
