So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
