theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The uberlube is also flammable
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
