bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
