I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize