Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize