She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
