Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
