I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
