I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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