If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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