She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I fill condoms, not promises.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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