Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
