i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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