youre lurking in front of me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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