Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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